Sarah’s Letter

Today is tax day.  I had to file in several states this year due to my itinerant work life.  What a hassle.  But since I’m pretty much poor (due again to my itinerant work life.  Oh, and my degree in English.), I’ll be getting a fat refund from the feds.  What fun.

Not everyone thinks so.  For example, Sarah Palin doesn’t.  I know because some months ago a generous friend signed me up for her PAC.  Now, whenever she’s got something on her mind, she shoots me an email.  Got one last night.  About tax day.  And how it’s a big scam.  I’d like to respond.

She writes:

The tax man cometh… while tax cuts soon expire.  This takes away the private sector’s opportunities to grow and thrive and create jobs, and it diminishes America’s work ethic.

Nice Eugene O’Neill reference, Sarah!  Had to stop quick and complement her.  People don’t often give Palin credit for her subtle literary touch, but credit really is due here.  The Iceman Cometh is about a bunch of drunks sitting around a bar awaiting the arrival of a fellow drunk who, it turns out, recently murdered his wife.  Which is a lot like tax collection, if you think about it, because collecting a percentage of the income of the citizenry to pay for Medicare, Social Security and the army is a lot like murdering your wife.  Also, if the government increase taxes, everyone becomes a drunk and a layabout.   I love literature and so does Sarah: let’s open more schools!  Actually no, we better not.  Schools are expensive.   I don’t want to pay for them because I don’t want to kill my wife.  Sarah:

According to the Tax Foundation, Americans worked for over three months of this year, from January 1 to April 9, before they earned enough to pay their federal, state, and local tax obligations. That’s nearly 100 days out of the year to pay government, before we start earning money for our families and small businesses!

Hold on again, Sarah.  Just a slight correction.  When you say “Americans worked…” you must actually mean “Most Americans worked…” or “Excluding the 2.4 million Americans who got fired between January 1 and April 9 of 2009 and the millions who got fired in the preceding months and the millions more who got fired in the following months due to a recession caused, at least in part, by lack of regulation and blind faith in the private sector, Americans worked…”  But then, what am I saying?  How could we regulate banks?  That would probably require more wife-killing.  Sarah:

Did you know that Americans will pay more in taxes in 2010 than we do for food, clothing, and shelter combined?

Sounds alright to me.  A few hundred dollars, maybe a few grand, for food, clothing and shelter for a year?  Deal.

The Tax Policy Center projects that 47% of American households will pay no federal income taxes this year. Either their income doesn’t qualify, or they qualified for enough deductions and credits to have no income tax liability for the year. In fact, the bottom 40% of households on average will net money from the federal government in payments and services.

It’s time to bring sanity to our tax system and to simplify the tax code. Please send what you can to SarahPAC today and help the campaigns of good, strong, commonsense Americans who will clean up the mess that Washington has created.

America, as one people with one Constitution, deserves better.

Sarah, as William Munny once said, “Deserves got nothing to do with it.”  Being “one people with one Constitution” does not in any way entitle us to better government.  We’ve got to work for that, we’ve got to pay for that.  Freedom, after all, isn’t free.  And anyway read this.

With an Alaskan heart and with support for real hope for the future,

Sarah Palin

Sarcasm.  The argument of the weak.  I am young, I am comparably poor, and I don’t hold (or rather I have never held) political office.   So I can use sarcasm, Sarah, because I am weak. But you, heiress-apparent of the Republican party and millionaire, cannot.  So get off.

Yours,

Sam Packard

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4 Responses to “Sarah’s Letter”

  1. Steve Says:

    Nice dude. I really like this post.

  2. willy Says:

    any post on palin’s wonderful emails containing a reference to unforgiven deserves respect. can we perhaps make unforgiven references a requirement on this blog from here on out?

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